Zombie Apocalypse: Survival of the Fattest?

I was thinking about the technicalities of a zombie apocalypse today.

So, do we really have much to fear if it actually happens? I mean, won't the frail and the morbidly obese be the first to be transformed? Wouldn't that mean anyone more fit than the fat and frail could escape zombie hoards at a brisk walking pace? It's not like undeath will make these mofos any faster...

Whoa! Just thought of a scary twist...

We're Screwed!

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Alpha Bear

What makes an Alpha Bear? Is an Alpha Bear born or created? For these questions, science has the answers.

All bears are born from Momma Bears, and then they all go to Bear School.

Most bears complete school and grow up to contribute to bear society by being Honey Engineers or Salmon Analysts.

On the other hand, there are bears that just kick ass and take what they want. These bears crave Ultimate Bear Baller status and have to compete with each other for alpha status.

When bears vie for alpha dominance, they rep their stacks and their stables.

The bear with the most salmon, bear bitches, and gallons of honey is crowned Alpha Bear!

"All bears are born, Alpha Bears are forged in the streets."
-Charles Darwin

(PS, Follow me on twitter if you like my style :3 twitter.com/mwhdgbhs)  

Taking it to the Next Level! (?)

I think my drawing skills have leveled up from 3 to 4 (out of 20). Need proof? (see Below)

Drawn with an ink drip pen, batch.

Can't Make a Hoe a Housewife?

So I have this buddy who married a complete hoe. She's totally and ancient and versatile agricultural tool used to move small amounts of soil. All of his friends could see it, but he couldn't for some reason.

I personally told him marrying her was a horrible idea. I was like, "Dude, you're going to be customer servicing your ass off all day, and then come home to a complete mess and no dinner."

He told me to piss off, and then he quoted some song by Tonic. He stopped being my friend when I reminded him about our "Bros Before Hoes" pledge.

He then kicked me in the groin.

I ran into his mom at the gas station and she told me some shit he's dealing with...

I don't feel sorry for him...

Barry Gordy Presents: Robo Rock-Barge

I came up with this idea awhile ago after I watched Barry Gordy's The Last Dragon. The train of thought  this idea went down to arrive at this destination makes about as much sense as the concept itself.

Barry Gordy's Presents Robo Rock-Barge
Rockwell and Debarge move in to a Detroit apartment together. They come up with a brilliant idea to cleanup Detroit and create a new stream of revenue Motown Records; a recycling center.

They then enlist Barry Gordy's top robot scientists to create the perfect recycling machine!

The Robo Rock-Barge MK1!

For reference, pictures of Rockwell and Debarge.

Other Ideas

I have a lot of strange ideas that are not ducks. Maybe one of these silly ideas will take the internet by storm. For example, take this amazing idea called, Adventures on Cat Island.

A shipwrecked sailor from World War II is sucked into The Bermuda Triangle and then transported to an island 1 billion years into the future! The future Earth is like Jurassic Park, but all of the dinosaurs and fauna are tiny. Future Earth is ruled by hyper-intelligent house cats.

The sailor embarks on many hilarious adventures, such as, finding the golden saucer, or teaming up with a group of feline break dancers to save the cat community center.

I'm not sure if this idea has any legs or not...

Ahoy? Mateys?

So...'Sup

So, what's going on?
Nothing? Cool.

Anyway, I'm kind of drawing ducks now. Make sure you check out on the right side of the page for links to all of the random shit I'm doing nowadays.

I'll blog every once in a while on this page when I have something to say, draw, or do that isn't duck related.

Anyway, see ya later!
David

The Crix Army is Done!

Painted and dress to kill.
(Apologies to my photographer brother for blurry pics)

Cute WarMachine!

I just started playing WarMachine a couple of weeks ago, and I decided to paint my Cryx starter set cute. I know it's pretty weird, but I guess I'm just seeking attention ;)

Anyway, the Deathrippers and Defiler reminded me of pigs, so the Pigs on Parade calendar is the inspiration for those guys.

I needed something cute to accentuate the pigs, so I choose Sailor Moon Eternal for my inspiration for Deneghra.


My wife and I painted them, and this is our first attempt at painting miniatures, maybe a pro will take this idea to the next level!


I'll post pictures of the whole set when I'm done.
Hope you're entertained!

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Now playing: Anberlin - Down
via FoxyTunes

No One is Safe

In the not so distant future, Plague will reign supreme! People will cough at a rate of 240 coughs per hour (CPH), but I will suffer only about 30 sniffles per hour (SPH) since I will be prepared.
Here's a list to help you survive, for whenever Plague will strike.
Hint: It will most likely be misnamed something weird.

Tip 1) Wear a beard net

Ummm...That's all I have. I'm not really a survivalist or anything. Oh wait, wash your hands.
Cya until next time!


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Now playing: Say Anything - This Is Fucking Ecstacy
via FoxyTunes

Progress? (A Bates Story)

So anyway, I started playing Dungeon and Dragons Online recently. I created a wizard character named Michael Wayne Bates. Bates typically hates this type of adoration I bestow on him, but I was shocked to see his response to my Facebook announcement.

So, I was pretty psyched that Bates had kind of given his seal of approval for my new endeavor. This inspired me to make this tribute to him.
You know, I really thought Bates and I were taking our relationship to the next level; making some real progress.
So today, I posted this on Facebook. It solicited this response...

Que sera, sera. Wait, should I say Que Bates, Bates?

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Now playing: Brand New - At The Bottom
via FoxyTunes

Great Moment of the 1980's

Back in 1985, Lane Meyer was dumped by his girlfriend. She dumped him after he failed to qualify for the high school ski team. Anyway, a bunch of silly shit happened shortly after, and he met a French chick (who was coincidentally a British princess from thee Dark Ages). Then some more silly shit happened, and then he challenged this douche bag to a ski race on the most difficult course: The K12!
Here's where the great moment occurred. Lane beat the db using only one ski! Some credit his win to him being chased by a paper boy, but most credit his success to the awesome coaching he received from Booger (who was in Revenge of the Nerds).
Stay tuned for more fun facts from the 80's!

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Now playing: The Unseen - Hit and Run
via FoxyTunes

Muzak

Muzak is not very good. No, not at all.

I will offer this analogy: regular music is like a healthy person and Muzak a like a zombie creating virus.

Not does only Muzak stink like rotting flesh (for your ear lobes that is), it is infectious and can only be removed from your brain by a bullet. There is no cure, only prevention.

Anyway, seems like when a musak-ized song doesn't sound Kenny G. or Anya, it sounds like that violin part from that song "Come On Eileen".

Weird, huh?

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Now playing: Fall Out Boy - What A Catch Donnie
via FoxyTunes

Señor Brain (Another Idea)

The Internet we all know and love was actually Al Gore's second attempt!
The first attempt involved an astronaut's brain inside an Apple II computer! When Al Gore realized his creation was to powerful (and indestructible), he sent it/him to the Artic Seed Bank. You know, the place where they store all of those seeds in case of Armageddon or robot invasion?
I digress, turns out an ancient alien Satellite reboots Señor Brain and enlists him/it to battle justice through infinite time and space! Time Bandits are/were/will be wreaking havoc on the space time continuum and The Señor is the only one who can stop them! He uses mind control and telekinesis battle the brutal beasts!
Anyway, I've found the archives, or future files, or whatever of the Astronaut Brain's Time (and Space) Traveling adventures. (He was/will be named Señor Brain by a stripper from Little Cuba)


Don't worry about the physics behind this, cause it's already done. The reality you are reading this in is the result of Señor Brain's past/present/future actions.
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Now playing: Say Anything - Do Better
via FoxyTunes

Remember that Movie With John Travolta?

John Travolta was in this movie where he had brain cancer that made him smart. He like invented a space ship out of a toilet. That's pretty smart, but I think I am also that F'ing smart.

Now, remember that movie with John Travolta, where he is bald and uncharacteristically bad ass? I think I am equally as (if not more) bad ass.

Here's proof:

Yeah, that just happened.

A Guide to Corporate Culture

Oh, hey. Long time no see. What's new with you? Me? Nothing much. I moved to the Midwest and got a corporate gig doing something totally awesome.

I guess I'm adjusting well, but I sure could use some tips on how to better get acclimated to a something corporate environment.

You happen to have such a guide!? Please let me glean some arcane knowledge from this tome of darkness! It's not a tome? Oh, it's an audio book called...

Hi, welcome to the last book you will ever need! This "survival" handbook will make you "leader of the pack" in little or no time at all! (Granted you can hide that DUI you got last weekend from your employer!)

Set down that latte and tighten your seatbelt. Your future awaits!

Lesson 1: No more dick jokes.

I know what you're thinking, "Hank, you HAVE got to be wanking me! My devil-may-care, shoot-from-the-hip style made me top dog in the local office!"

That may be true, but you're running with a new, more sophisticated pack!

Statistics show that 8 out of 10 layoffs and terminations are due to poor performance, 1 of the other 2 is attributed to death, and the other 1 is due to sexual harassment.

So next time you're about to say, "Hey y'all, I've got to go bleed the lizard." Instead say,"Please pardon my absence, I must drain the wastewater from my bladder."

Suave remarks like this will make you the toast of tinsel town!

Remember: An executive is 90% manners and 10% water!

Because I Enjoyed Spiderman 3?!?!?

Most often my Netflix gets me. Every once in awhile, I get one of these. You would think after me rating 100s of obscure, and mainstream movies, Netflix would have found a better movie to connect to than Spiderman 3.
I mean, it's always right when it suggests a Steven Segal or Jean Claude Van Damme movie. How could it be so wrong this time?!?!?
I demand answers...wait. Maybe Netflix doesn't want me to watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
In that case, Netflix, you always know what's right for me!
Bonus Story on Kevin James!
A couple of days ago I was having a converation about not wanting to see this movie.
A friend of mine said it could be good because, "Kevin James saved the movie Hitch." First, Hitch is a horrible movie. Second, that's the stupidest reason I've heard of to watch a movie.
~ The End ~

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Now playing: Rise Against - 401 Kill
via FoxyTunes

Bargain Shopping

Here's a little known fact about me: I am an excellent bargain shopper. I think it's hereditary, because my mother seems to have the same magical ability.
Please let me elicit more on this topic that SO desperately needs to be expanded upon.
A beginner bargain hound is able to find obvious buys. For example, sales usually listed in the ad of a newspaper.
A typical Journeyman Bargain Hound can easily find awesome movies in the $5 DVD bin at Wal-Mart.
An Expert Bargain Hound (simply referred to as THE Bargain Hound) can find amazing deals on shoes, clothes, movies and other necessities.
Now, let me tell you about the amazing deal I found today...

Your eyes doth don't deceive you! That is Stool Softener for only 80 cents!
A deal of this magnitude elevates me to the Platinum Level of Bargain Hounding!!!
To commemorate this achievement, I doth bestow this award onto me.

Ultimate Bargain Hound!

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Now playing: Unwritten Law - Underground
via FoxyTunes

If You Seek Amy...

Oh my God! Did you know that the title of Brittney Spears' new single spells out F.U.C.K. me!
I actually don't give a crap, but more importantly, I'm calling dibs on the intellectual property rights to the song called "Spell I-CUP."
I also call dibs and the followup smash hit called, "Hold Your Tongue and Say Apple."
She's so clever!

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Now playing: Thursday - Steps Ascending
via FoxyTunes

Jeff and David's Most Exciting Triumphant Laughlin Adventure (2009)

I just spent the weekend in Laughlin with some friends. I don't remember much because I was partying like I was in Vegas.

From what I remember the adventure I had with my friend Jeff was like Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, only it happened in Laughlin, didn't involve hardcore drug use, destruction of property, mayhem or anything else Hunter S. Thompson experienced in his trip to Vegas.

Here's what I can piece together from my blurry memory and some pictures I took with my cell phone.

It started when we saw this picture of Heidi Constack and her $1,000 grand prize. I think it may have inspired me and Jeff to become winners.











We then went and drank the worst tasting 99 cent margarita.













We then decided we were going to ride the train the circles the hotel. We didn't know where the train station was, so, we just walked on the railroad tracks.












We got bored and then walked up some stairs. We then accidentally discovered the train station. Unfortunately, the train wasn't running at 11 pm.













We then posed by a painting.











And we concluded the adventure by walking down some stairs.











Pretty amazing, huh?
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Now playing: Anti-Flag - Antithetic to the Cure
via FoxyTunes