Señor Brain (Another Idea)

The Internet we all know and love was actually Al Gore's second attempt!
The first attempt involved an astronaut's brain inside an Apple II computer! When Al Gore realized his creation was to powerful (and indestructible), he sent it/him to the Artic Seed Bank. You know, the place where they store all of those seeds in case of Armageddon or robot invasion?
I digress, turns out an ancient alien Satellite reboots Señor Brain and enlists him/it to battle justice through infinite time and space! Time Bandits are/were/will be wreaking havoc on the space time continuum and The Señor is the only one who can stop them! He uses mind control and telekinesis battle the brutal beasts!
Anyway, I've found the archives, or future files, or whatever of the Astronaut Brain's Time (and Space) Traveling adventures. (He was/will be named Señor Brain by a stripper from Little Cuba)


Don't worry about the physics behind this, cause it's already done. The reality you are reading this in is the result of Señor Brain's past/present/future actions.
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Now playing: Say Anything - Do Better
via FoxyTunes

Remember that Movie With John Travolta?

John Travolta was in this movie where he had brain cancer that made him smart. He like invented a space ship out of a toilet. That's pretty smart, but I think I am also that F'ing smart.

Now, remember that movie with John Travolta, where he is bald and uncharacteristically bad ass? I think I am equally as (if not more) bad ass.

Here's proof:

Yeah, that just happened.

A Guide to Corporate Culture

Oh, hey. Long time no see. What's new with you? Me? Nothing much. I moved to the Midwest and got a corporate gig doing something totally awesome.

I guess I'm adjusting well, but I sure could use some tips on how to better get acclimated to a something corporate environment.

You happen to have such a guide!? Please let me glean some arcane knowledge from this tome of darkness! It's not a tome? Oh, it's an audio book called...

Hi, welcome to the last book you will ever need! This "survival" handbook will make you "leader of the pack" in little or no time at all! (Granted you can hide that DUI you got last weekend from your employer!)

Set down that latte and tighten your seatbelt. Your future awaits!

Lesson 1: No more dick jokes.

I know what you're thinking, "Hank, you HAVE got to be wanking me! My devil-may-care, shoot-from-the-hip style made me top dog in the local office!"

That may be true, but you're running with a new, more sophisticated pack!

Statistics show that 8 out of 10 layoffs and terminations are due to poor performance, 1 of the other 2 is attributed to death, and the other 1 is due to sexual harassment.

So next time you're about to say, "Hey y'all, I've got to go bleed the lizard." Instead say,"Please pardon my absence, I must drain the wastewater from my bladder."

Suave remarks like this will make you the toast of tinsel town!

Remember: An executive is 90% manners and 10% water!