Finally! News That Makes Sense.

According to an AP story, a Christian group is looking to distribute bibles with Sunday newspapers throughout the Bible Belt.
I am glad that they are doing this. I once read in an e-mail forward, that the reason why tragedies happen to America, is because we have a separation of church and state. This will put us back in God's good graces.
Some people are upset and offended by this move. There was a quote in the story refering to the bibles being like free quaker oatmeals or AOL discs. I don't know about you all, but I'd prefer to have as many bibles as I do of "50 Free Hours of AOL" discs. I could challenge myself and read as many bibles as I can. I'd be the new world record holder.
I want to take this movement to the next level by including bibles with the Coupon Clipper mailings.
Or maybe free bible with an king-size at Burger King? Food for your stomach AND SOUL!
I am a marketing genius!

Forgot About This Awesome Thing I Got

Sorry, I forgot to tell you about this awesome thing I bought at Marshall's for $10.

I call this piece of art "A Boy Being Kissed by Fish, While Boy is Hugging Fish."
Can you believe this little guy was on clearance? I can only imagine at full price this thing must have cost about $3,000.
Actually, It kind of reminds me of something a movie villain would use to smuggle heroin or diamonds.
It would be a perfect cover, who would assume this little guy could be used for such foul things?
Then a kid, preferably the kid from Home Alone 3, would accidentally take one, and the villain would chase after him. But then, the kid would tie a paint can to a rope and hit the guy in the crotch.
Case Closed!
We can call the movie, Home Alone: Live Free or Be Alone Hard!

Karaoke Contest

I'm the host of a karaoke contest on Saturday nights at Chuy's (East of McClintock on Baseline Road, Tempe, AZ)
Karaoke starts at 9 p.m. and goes 'till 1 a.m. The contest will start at 11 or so.
Details can be found here: www.azkaraokealliance.com
(Please note the karaoke alliance is nothing like the Alliance from World of Warcraft)

Funny Movies

I made some funny movies and put them on my myspace page.
You can check them out here.

Totally Forgot! I Love Wombats!

I just read a story at Yahoo! about the discovery of a giant wombat fossil. Then I realized that I totally love wombats! I think the reason why I like them so much, is because the remind me of giant hamsters.
Their cuteness is comparable to a hamster, but I believe they are more voracious then their smaller counterparts. I hear they have incredibly sharp teeth that are world-famous for chomping sandwiches and fingers.
This is my favorite picture of a wombat.
That person is like, "Whoa there little fella! You've got to conquer the bunny slope before you take on K-5!"

Barbaric! (Young Celeb Outreach Ministry)

I really hope somebody does something about young celebrities and their inappropriate behavior. How the f*#k am I supposed to get on with my life when I'm too busy worrying about Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton? Do you even know that Paris Hilton, is in fact, not from Paris?!?
I really need to start a nonprofit organization to really reach out and help these unwanted outcasts. I really think I could create an environment that they could mature and grow in. It really breaks my heart to see these affluent, innocent, children self destruct.
We need to be agents of change!
I suggest we petition all of our news media to focus more on these important issues.
Please join me, we have future generations to consider!

Thank F*$^ing G*d! Easy Bake Oven's 40-Year Reign of Blood and Terror is OVER!

According to a story from Yahoo! The Easy Bake Oven has been recalled for the second time...THIS YEAR! According to the news story, there were 249 complaints of kids sticking their hands inside the oven and burning their fingers. The oven has been around for 40 years, who knows how many countless lives the Pandora's Box of Pure Evil has taken since then. It must be in the millions.
Wow.
A few observations.
1) Kids don't ever stick fingers where they don't belong
2) Ovens do not become hot while baking
3) With careful parenting, it is possible to prevent a person from burning oneself throughout their entire life.

You must be curious where I picked up this line of rational thinking. Hmmm...It was probably from about 249 parents who bought their children an easy bake oven.

Celebrities

My wife never knows the lyrics to really popular songs. A lot of people also do this, but the funny thing is sometimes she doesn't know lyrics when the title of the song is the lyrics. For example, Oasis' "Don't Look Back in Anger." She didn't know those lyrics.
I have the same affliction, only it's for celebrities.
I could totally walk by Mark Linn-Baker from "Perfect Strangers" and not even know it was him! Bronson Pinchot is a different story though, I could spot him from a mile away.
Remember that funkstatic fact that people unknowingly eat about 1,000,000 spiders in their lifetime?
Well, I walk by like 50 celebrities a week, and not even notice them.

Don't walk by in mmffamgd. (Don't look back in anger)