Belated Blogs?!?

One time Tom Cruise went on this show with Matt Lauer. He called Matt "glib" and also told him that he did not know the history of psychiatry. Tom Cruise knows psychiatry!
Stupid Matt Lauer, he probably likes shock-therapy and Chinese water torture. What an A-hole!
He's nothing like our beloved Tom Cruise.
Here's a scenario to wrap your head around:
If a doctor were to prescribe you some Aderol, he wouldn't do blood tests! The doctor probably doesn't even know the history of psychiatry!
Another exclamation!
If you were to see Tom Cruise about ADD, the first thing he wouldn't do is give you Aderol. Number one he'd explain to you the complete unabridged version of the history of psychiatry. Fifteen hours later, he would do a blood test. After the results, he would tell you to eat healthy diet and exercise a lot.
The beautiful thing about the Tom Cruise method (which does not alter the mind at all!) is that is works where others have failed!
Schizophrenia? Eat some broccoli, bitch.
Postpartum depression? Try walking for 30 minutes, douche bag.
PTSD? Try meditation dick-wad.
What am I like two years too late? Whatev, I need some tomato juice.

Craptacular?!?!?

So there is another company that shares the same floor as my company. They moved in about a month or so ago. That's not a big deal, but what is a big deal is how the bathroom always reeks of death because one of those dudes is always dropping loaf!
Seriously, every time I go in there, someone's stinking up the place.
First Argument to debunk: "How do you know it's not one of your coworkers?"
There's like 7 dudes that work in my office, and I walk by all of them when I go to the bathroom.
First counterpoint to demolish: "It's a bathroom, it's supposed to smell."
Does your bathroom smell like sewer-ass for 8 to 12 hours every day because of constant deification? I think not.
Supporting evidence:
1) There's this short dude that craps at least two times a day.
2) I drink a lot of water (about 1,000 gallons a day) so I'm in there multiple times during the day.
3) The smell!!!!

I also forgot to mention how unscrupulous and uncouth their crapping habits are!
I have documented proof from building management that states that one of them wipes their butt with newspaper!
Totally not cool.

The Work Polo

Last December my work gave all its employees an excellent bonus! We were able to choose from a long-sleeve dress shirt, an 80s-style sweatshirt or a polo. What makes the shirt particularly awesome is that it has the business' logo embroidered on it. Every Friday I wear my polo shirt because I love it, but nobody else does. I guess I'm just super motivated.

Wow! A Year Has Past!

It's been a crazy year of not posting blogs! Remember all of the good times we had? Like how I watched Cool Runnings for two days straight! I can't believe how much of a powerhouse superstar Doug E. Doug was back than. I mean, a whole movie dedicated to him doing a Jamaican accent?!? John Candy was once an Olympic bobsled champion?!? Talk about suspension of disbelief.
Maybe I can get some funds to make a sequel. I think the world still has some burning questions that need to be answered.