Psychic Kids...

Lately, I've been watching some unbelievably awful reality TV programs. Coincidentally, it started while I was in Loveland, CO and most of those shows are on A&E.
One of those shows is called "Psychic Kids: Children of the Paranormal."
The premise is that these children have paranormal abilities. Their abilities range from seeing ghosts to reading auras.
You would think that trying to determine if a child is a Schizophrenic or clairvoyant would be funny or interesting, but it isn't.
The show, however, taught me that if my house is possessed by a demon, I can just tell it to go away. That's pretty comforting.
The best thing that came from watching the show, is that I got an idea for a funny Photoshop.

Psychic Kids: Goats of the Paranormal

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Now playing: Youth Brigade - Believe In Something
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Sims 2 Fiasco

To Whom it May Concern,
My copy of the Sims 2 will not work on my desktop PC at home :(
It seems that my Super Ultra Gaming rig from 6 years ago is no longer "Super" or "Ultra."
Oh well, I guess I'm stuck playing as Roman Mike Bates for the rest of my Sims 1 days.

The Discombobulated Head of Mike W. Bates (Roman Style)

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Now playing: The Streets - Stay Positive
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CEO Income from Home!?!?!?!

As I was driving home from my non-CEO job, I saw a sign stuck in the dirt that told me I could make CEO income from home!
I got so excited, but that quickly faded.
At the bottom of the sign it said, "Don't believe, don't call."
So I didn't.

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Now playing: Bayside - Landing Feet First
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The Sims 2: Chronicles of Loveland, Conclusion

So, I'm back in Arizona, back to the heat.
It feels good to back and normal.
All in all it was a good trip. I thought that Colorado was beautiful and quiet and that the locals were a bit odd, but nice. I also thought that my hotel room smelled like a diaper.
I didn't go out and do anything when I wasn't working.
I wanted to go to that hotel from The Shining, but instead I played The Sims 2 and watched Cartoon Network.
I think that living vicariously in the virtual world was probably actually cooler than living in the real Loveland, CO. Especially when you are a virtual copy of body builder and Sardinian actor/director, Franco Columbu.
I'm going to get back to playing fake instruments, now. Cya later!
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Now playing: Panic! At The Disco - Northern Downpour
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Fire Alarm Deluxe: Chronicles of Loveland, Part 2

Nothing is so freaking cool than a fire alarm going off 6:15 a.m..
You know what's better?
Being naked in the shower when it happens.
At that time I made a conscious decision to risk death and smoke inhalation to exit the hotel wearing clothes. Good thing, cause it was a false alarm, and the hotel staff couldn't turn it off an hour. What a way to enjoy my free continental buffet!
It got better when I went out to lunch with my new manager and coworkers. We ate at awesome Mexican food place called Guadalara, in Windsor, CO.
I ordered a burrito called the Deluxe Burrito. It weighed about 7 pounds, had a lot of stuff on it, topped off with a tomato slice.
It was amazing...for about 30 minutes until it turned into a Deluxe BM. The BM weighed about 7 pounds too.
After work, I went searching for a grocery store, but couldn't find one and got bored. So I went to a gas station instead.
Right now I'm going to eat at a KFC/Taco Bell combo restaurant. It's a fast food-fusion delicacy where south meets west!
Cya!

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Now playing: Reverend Horton Heat - Beer 30
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Rollin' in the Rondo. Chronicles of Loveland, Vol. 1

Greetings from Loveland, Colorado! I'm here for a business trip and blogging from a hotel room.
My day started out pretty normal, but as soon as I landed in Colorado, it became a little weird.
I picked up my rental car at the Hertz location, which was located about 8 miles from the terminal. I got there by train and bus.
I had to wait in line for a while, when I got up to the counter, the lady asked me if I wanted an SUV. I was like, "No thanks, I'll take a Corrolla." She said that was fine, but then told me I could upgrade to a minivan for free. I told her no thanks again.
I signed my contract and went to the car. But doth my eyes deceive me?!?!

A Kia Rondo? A minivan?

I don't have anything against minivans, but I'd prefer a Corrolla 8 days out of the week.

I went back inside and asked for a Corrolla, but the manager told me a minivan is a mid-sized car...whatever.
As I drove to Loveland from Denver, I noticed that everybody drives like 20 miles per hour over the 75 MPH speed limit.
No big whup. But then there was a traffic accident and everybody stopped. Then people started crossing over the grass area dividing the highway to get to the frontage road!
I took a look around, and there is absolutely fucking nothing out here!
How could all these assholes be in such a hurry?
Anyway, I finally got on the stretch of highway leading to my work's offices.
This is where I was tailgated by a white minivan while going 90 MPH. It must have been some stockbroker traveling to get one last trade in before Wallstreet closed.
So, I got over, and as the minivan passed, a teenage kid sitting in the passenger seat flipped me off!
What the fuck? Was this douche jealous 'cause I was rollin' in a rondo made his ride looked busted?
Probably, but I have not been in Colorado long enough to know how Colorado-ins operate. However, my first observation is that they seem mostly retarded.
So what, went to work and did some stuff. Later, I saw a rabbit in the parking lot and a dead groundhog in the road.

Checked into my hotel room; it's handicapped accessible and has a huge bathroom. There's even a seat to bath oneself while sitting down in the shower.

Ahh...the price of luxury!

Also: notice the phone, I shall order caviar or pizza from room service, while I doth bath.
The night got better. I ate a steak, drank a giant margarita and bought a children's toothbrush and some shaving cream.

I couldn't imagine a better day! I'm going to play some The Sims 2 and go to bed. See you tomorrow!

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Now playing: A New Found Glory - Boulders
via FoxyTunes

Mike Bates Wrecked My Computer (But I Fixed It)

A few nights ago, I was recreating the brilliance of Mike Bates' face on the popular PC game, The Sims, when my computer completely fizzled out. It happened when I had just moved in "Roman Bates" and "German Hat Wearing Bates" into their new home.

This unforeseen turn of events puzzled and startled me. I couldn't really sleep because a question kept repeating in my brain...

Was it Mike Bates being introduced into The Matrix that caused my computer to take a crap?
Or was it because I was running Photoshop, The Sims, iTtunes and the Internet all at the same time (which is a daily occurrence). Did that drain my power supply?

Maybe...

I honestly believe it was because I introduced Bates to The Matrix, but I was going to cover my bases and get a new 650-watt power supply also.

After six hours of plugging things in to the wrong slots, accidentally cracking a hard drive cable and damaging my motherboard a little bit, I finally fixed my computer. Yay!

Remember: Blogging about Bates takes the power a dwarf star, plan accordingly!

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Now playing: Totally Radd!! - Cold Moolight
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Cat Week '08: The Conclusion!

You may have noticed that Cat Week '08 didn't have any content on Thursday through Saturday. This is because I take vacation during cat week.
I know Cat Week '08 is a big priority/responsibility, but sometimes in life, you go camping when you should be taking hilarious footage of cats.
I'm going to chalk this one up to fate.
A message from our sponsors will officially close Cat Week '08.

Cat Week Concludes!

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Now playing: Bayside - Thankfully
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Cat Week '08 Continues: Baghera

Today's Cat Week Featurette showcases the wonderful talents of Little Brother, also known as, Baghera, Baggy, Dumpy Dawdler, Prince Daffodil, McLovin, Mr Sexy, Dreamy Eyes or The Patrick Dempsey of Cats.

Cat Eating Ice Cream
Baghera really likes eating ice cream. Actually, he likes eating or drinking anything that milk- or soy milk-based!

Cat Eating Ice Cream

Cat Drinking out of Toilet
Even though he has fresh water, this silly beast loves to drink out of the toilet! What a Ka-razy kat!

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Now playing: Jack Johnson - It's All Understood
via FoxyTunes

Cat Week '08 Continues!

Kissing Cats
An art house movie that delves into the inner working of a domesti-cat's (domesticated cat) pride. Gay love and jealousy makes this the must-see movie of 2003!

Kissing Cats

Cat Afraid of Mouse
Morris is the largest cat of the house, but he is the biggest wimp. Watch him as he flees a toy mouse in terror! (Warning! Pregnant women may spontaneously give birth if they watch this)

Cat Afraid of Mouse

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Now playing: Head Automatica - Dance Party Plus
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