My day started out pretty normal, but as soon as I landed in Colorado, it became a little weird.
I picked up my rental car at the Hertz location, which was located about 8 miles from the terminal. I got there by train and bus.
I had to wait in line for a while, when I got up to the counter, the lady asked me if I wanted an SUV. I was like, "No thanks, I'll take a Corrolla." She said that was fine, but then told me I could upgrade to a minivan for free. I told her no thanks again.
I signed my contract and went to the car. But doth my eyes deceive me?!?!
A Kia Rondo? A minivan? 
I went back inside and asked for a Corrolla, but the manager told me a minivan is a mid-sized car...whatever.
I don't have anything against minivans, but I'd prefer a Corrolla 8 days out of the week.
As I drove to Loveland from Denver, I noticed that everybody drives like 20 miles per hour over the 75 MPH speed limit.
No big whup. But then there was a traffic accident and everybody stopped. Then people started crossing over the grass area dividing the highway to get to the frontage road!
I took a look around, and there is absolutely fucking nothing out here!
How could all these assholes be in such a hurry?
Anyway, I finally got on the stretch of highway leading to my work's offices.
This is where I was tailgated by a white minivan while going 90 MPH. It must have been some stockbroker traveling to get one last trade in before Wallstreet closed.
So, I got over, and as the minivan passed, a teenage kid sitting in the passenger seat flipped me off!
What the fuck? Was this douche jealous 'cause I was rollin' in a rondo made his ride looked busted?
Probably, but I have not been in Colorado long enough to know how Colorado-ins operate. However, my first observation is that they seem mostly retarded.
So what, went to work and did some stuff. Later, I saw a rabbit in the parking lot and a dead groundhog in the road.
Checked into my hotel room; it's handicapped accessible and has a huge bathroom. There's even a seat to bath oneself while sitting down in the shower.
Also: notice the phone, I shall order caviar or pizza from room service, while I doth bath.Ahh...the price of luxury! 
The night got better. I ate a steak, drank a giant margarita and bought a children's toothbrush and some shaving cream.
I couldn't imagine a better day! I'm going to play some The Sims 2 and go to bed. See you tomorrow!
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Now playing: A New Found Glory - Boulders
via FoxyTunes
2 comments:
Could be worse. You could be in Miami, where everybody drives one of two speeds: 15 mph below the posted speed limit (because they're old or from Latin America), or 15 mph (at least) above the speed limit (because they're young, angry, running from the law, or something else).
You wanna know something else about Miami? Nobody there speaks English. I know, you grew up in Arizona, so you're used to hearing people speak Spanish, but trust me, you'll feel really weird when you spend two hours walking around a mall and realize that you've only heard three other people speaking English during that whole time, and two of them were religious nuts shouting at the tops of their lungs about the end of the world.
I'd love to go to Miami. Will Smith wrote a song about it. I don't believe you about the driving. Last time I checked, everyone drove a Ferrari and blasted Phil Collins.
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